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Friday, February 28, 2014

Reality and Unintended Insouciance

"People who shut their eyes to reality
simply invite their own destruction,
and anyone who insists
on remaining in a state of innocence
long after that innocence is dead
turns himself into a monster." 
James Baldwin

For quite some time, I believed that my unwillingness to confront the harsh reality that I observed in some people’s behavior was one of my most prized character strengths.  It took me being emotionally eviscerated by an individual before I finally began to understand that I was wholly mistaken in my assessment of this tendency to ignore nonsense as any kind of strength. 

What I subsequently began to perceive was that I had used this ‘strength’ as a defense against confronting behavior to ‘save’ myself the challenges that can sometimes seem an inherent consequence of being honest.  It was never my intention to hurt anyone – anymore than it was my intention to save myself from suffering the cruelty of the toxicity of dysfunctional relationships.

Perhaps, if I am 100% honest, I was attempting to avoid suffering at the hands of people who simply did not care enough about me and/or my feelings to judiciously consider and weigh the consequences of their behavior as I ‘allowed’ their dysfunction to control my reactions.

I have tended to live my life, believing that I was responsible for most of the indignities I have suffered as a consequence of people’s toxic behavior because I simply did not deserve to be treated with respect or dignity.  For far too long, I suffered in silence, beating myself up where others left off.  I buried myself within in a ton of fat, masking my physical ‘beauty.’ 

I had learned as a young adult that I attracted men – most especially those men who were incapable of entering into healthy relationships.  Individual men who were ‘broken’ on some fundamental, caring level seemed drawn to me, as I was ‘attracted’ to them.  I seriously doubt any of these men acted consciously in choosing someone else who was as ‘emotionally stunted’ [as they themselves were], but nonetheless, I have never experienced anything like an emotionally healthy, loving, caring relationship.

I no longer believe I am unworthy of being treated with dignity and respect.  I no longer believe I do not deserve to be loved.  However, it is excruciatingly difficult to change a lifetime of dysfunctional behavior – even if that behavior is destructive and wholly unwarranted.

My challenge these days is forgiving myself for having wasted the precious years of my life.  This is a grueling form of transformation for me and I have not yet completely navigated this emotionally stormy aspect of living my life.  I continue to believe I am capable of doing what I must so that I am able to feel balanced in living the remaining years of my life.  And yet . . . I continue to struggle.

I have concluded that nobody is responsible for how I have failed.  Nobody is responsible for making me feel good about myself.  This is my sole responsibility.  While I am grateful for embracing this consciousness, I remain feeling stuck in the quagmire of my emotional maelstrom.  I continue to wonder what it will take for me to make all the necessary changes that will enable to finally believe and know that the past is the past and, no matter what, I cannot change any part of it.

I must simply ‘let go,’ stand in the moment and accept what is.

Stephanie Doty
Weary of Wonderland [originally posted in Until Next Time 09.09.13]
February 28, 2014
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Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Take a moment to consider this message --


This sentiment fills me with wonder and awe as I reflect on the reality that there are those self-righteous denizens of dim who attempt to shame and intimate as they mindlessly natter on and on about hell-fire and damnation.

I bow my head in reverence and grace  to Argyrodes Eisengrau for posting this particular graphic in the land of Google Plus.

Stephanie Doty
Weary of Wonderland
February 25, 2014
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/3.0/

Monday, February 24, 2014

Unbroken circles

Stephanie Doty
Weary of Wonderland
February 24, 2014
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Sunday, February 23, 2014

The simply amazing consequence of lettng go

Stephanie Doty
Weary of Wonderland
February 23, 2014
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/3.0/

Freedom and Liberation

I discovered this message this morning and thought of it as a synergistic complement to the theme I've also discovered today about the importance of letting go. For me? I grew weary of feeling so disappointed by people and how their toxic behavior was negatively impacting my life -- albeit as a result of my passively allowing the nonsense into my life. Not until I felt completely broken, however, did I fully grasp the necessity of 'letting go' to become fully liberated from needless suffering.

Stephanie Doty
Weary of Wonderland
February 23, 2014
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/3.0/

Saturday, February 22, 2014

Mirror, mirror I hold in my hand --

Life in His Language

James Baldwin:  His Voice Remembered

by Toni Morrison    December 20, 1987

Jimmy, there is too much to think about you, and too much to feel. The difficulty is your life refuses summation - it always did - and invites contemplation instead. Like many of us left here I thought I knew you. Now I discover that in your company it is myself I know. That is the astonishing gift of your art and your friendship: You gave us ourselves to think about, to cherish. We are like Hall Montana* watching ''with new wonder'' his brother saints, knowing the song he sang is us, ''He is us.''   Toni Morrison
My introduction to learning the importance of sharing who we are -- warts, beauty, joy, pain, gratitude and sorrow -- was Toni Morrison's book, The Bluest Eye. She set the stage for my later feelings of gratitude as I bowed at the accomplishments of Baldwin, Williams, Faulkner, Porter, Walker and countless others whose work I have read. These shared emotional journeys -- oftentimes into the darkest corners of ourselves -- have provided incredible opportunities for self-reflection. These writers have, perhaps, served me as soul guides in helping me to deepen my ability to feel and navigate . . . depths of emotion. . . as each writer weaves his/her magic through sharing emotional sojourns that seem to serve as a mirror of my own internal, emotional landscape.

Stephanie Doty
Weary of Wonderland
February 22, 2014

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Thursday, February 20, 2014

I choose . . . indeed, I do

Stephanie Doty
Weary of Wonderland
February 20, 2014
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/3.0/


Can Privacy Be Saved? by David Cole | The New York Review of Books

Can Privacy Be Saved? by David Cole | The New York Review of Books

Stephanie Doty
Weary of Wonderland
February 20, 2014
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/3.0/

Let each of us NEVER, EVER be bullied into being less than who we are -- NEVER, EVER

Stephanie Doty
Weary of Wonderland
February 20, 2014
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Monday, February 17, 2014

It's NOT rocket science, Congress

Stephanie Doty
Weary of Wonderland
February 18, 2014
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Sunday, February 16, 2014

How Entitlements for the Rich Cheat the Rest of Us | Common Dreams

How Entitlements for the Rich Cheat the Rest of Us | Common Dreams

Stephanie Doty
Weary of Wonderland
February 16, 2014
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/3.0/

Something to seriously consider

Stephanie Doty
Weary of Wonderland
February 16, 2014
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/3.0/

Friday, February 14, 2014

Heaven and Hell: The Parable of the Long Spoons | The Unbounded Spirit

Heaven and Hell: The Parable of the Long Spoons | The Unbounded Spirit

Stephanie Doty
Weary of Wonderland
February 14, 2014
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/3.0/

Nothing is Permanent



Nothing is permanent

One of the Buddha’s most profound sayings is “Nothing is Permanent“. The Buddha observed this in all facets of life – the fact that everything changes, nothing lasts forever, or for merely more than a moment.

What we can learn from the saying? One thing for me is understanding that anything we might try to hold on to may be gone or changed in just a moment’s notice. So I think we should carefully watch the attachment we have to the happiness or satisfaction we get from certain objects, or from a relationship or even from a state of being we might be in.

Even our own personal lives will eventually come to an end. I think that understanding this can help to just live in the present moment. Without attachment to what has gone on in the past, and without trying to expect too much from our future existence. One never knows where our current path will lead. So what we can do is just observe what is happening right now, from moment to moment.

This also helps those who may be going through any state of suffering. That the suffering will eventually pass, too, because it is also impermanent as is everything else. It can be a hopeful message in times of turmoil or sadness.

If we can reach a state of detachment from things and expectation and daily life, and just accept that everything changes, then we will be better able to deal with the eventual changes along the way. A great quote and idea to meditate on!  ~ Buddha
Stephanie Doty
Weary of Wonderland
February 14, 2014
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/3.0/

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Just because


This graphic represents to me precisely what is wrong, wrong when idiocy runs amok and is overlooked for the blatant stupidity of the individual solely because he's considered 'successful'  -- [by whose standards one would be well advised to ask].

Stephanie Doty
Weary of Wonderland
February 12, 2014
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/3.0/

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Cherish the moment

 
Reading this graphic reminded me of another message found in a beautiful song sung by Joan Baez.  As I listened, I soon realized that the 'beauty' of home may be our wish for what we would like to have (if we do not have cherished memories from the past).  What we do have, however, is the wonder of being able to always cherish our capacity for imagining. 

Stephanie Doty
Weary of Wonderland
February 11, 2014
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/3.0/

Robert Reich's Beyond Outrage -- One man speaks for the multitude

 America's economy and democracy are working for the benefit of an ever-fewer privileged and powerful people. But rather than just complain about it or give up on the system, we must join together and make it work for all of us. In this timely book, Robert B. Reich argues that nothing good happens in Washington unless citizens are energized and organized to make sure Washington acts in the public good. The first step is to see the big picture. Beyond Outrage connects the dots, showing why the increasing share of income and wealth going to the top has hobbled jobs and growth for everyone else, undermining our democracy; caused Americans to become increasingly cynical about public life; and turned many Americans against one another. He also explains why the proposals of the ';regressive right' are dead wrong and provides a clear roadmap of what must be done instead. Here's a plan for action for everyone who cares about the future of America.
Beyond Outrage

Stephanie Doty
Weary of Wonderland
February 11, 2014
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/3.0/

Robert Reich: The War on the Poor and Middle-Class Families - Truthdig

Robert Reich: The War on the Poor and Middle-Class Families - Truthdig

Stephanie Doty
Weary of Wonderland
February 11, 2014
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/3.0/

Monday, February 10, 2014

Human Wrongs Watch | BY BAHER KAMAL & THE LIKE

Human Wrongs Watch |  BAHER KAMAL & THE LIKE

Stephanie Doty
Weary of Wonderland
February 10, 2014
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Shattering self-delusion --

 
Stephanie Doty
Weary of Wonderland
February 10, 2014
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/3.0/

Thursday, February 6, 2014

How the World Sees a Drug Addict | Henry Harbor

How the World Sees a Drug Addict | Henry Harbor



Reading this article is, for me anyway, a humbling experience of an altogether different kind [that brings to mind this humbling thought -- "There but for the grace of God . . ."]. 

My awareness has been both enhanced and enriched. I have an opportunity to become more compassionate and forgiving . . . . I was initially devastated reading about Hoffman's premature death, but realized my grieving for him had shifted when I learned he was the father of three children [very young children]. 

I then became angry about what seemed to me Hoffman's thoughtless behavior and began to distance myself from my grief. This article is most amazing in how it has helped me bridge the growing chasm within my heart. 

I once again sit with my grief, albeit from a different, broadened perspective. . . . and so it is.

Stephanie Doty
Weary of Wonderland
February 6, 2014
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Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Journey Through Slavery Parts 1 through 4

Stephanie Doty
Weary of Wonderland
February 4, 2014
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Monday, February 3, 2014

Stealing, Silence and Savagery Were at the Core of the Slavery System and Still Live on in US DNA

Stealing, Silence and Savagery Were at the Core of the Slavery System and Still Live on in US DNA


Stephanie Doty
Weary of Wonderland
February 3, 2014
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/3.0/

In the Long War on Poverty, Small Victories That Matter - NYTimes.com

In the Long War on Poverty, Small Victories That Matter - NYTimes.com
Stephanie Doty
Weary of Wonderland
February 3, 2014
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/3.0/

From tragedy to awakening

Image: Dreamweaver Mystic Magic via google
For TOO LONG you have allowed the past to affect you!
For TOO LONG you have taken personally what others say about you!
For TOO LONG you have stood on the sidelines watching others thrive!
For TOO MANY NIGHTS you have gone to bed worrying about what may be.
For TOO LONG you have held a fear in your heart.
For TOO LONG you have settled for second best!!

NOW is the time to awaken!
NOW is the time to shine!
NOW is the time to ACCEPT that you are DIVINE!!
I doff my chapeau and share my heart filled with gratitude to Lee-Anne for kicking off a new week with this message I read on Facebook
This is my message for you - allow it to touch the deepest parts of your being - to help you awaken to the truth - that you do deserve to live a GREAT life - and whatever that means for you!
~ Lee-Anne Peters ~
Temple of Balance
Stephanie Doty
Weary of Wonderland
February 3, 2014
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/3.0/


‘The Master,’ From Paul Thomas Anderson - NYTimes.com

‘The Master,’ From Paul Thomas Anderson - NYTimes.com

The Weinstein Company
Philip Seymour Hoffman and Joaquin Phoenix in "The Master."
“The Master,” Paul Thomas Anderson’s imposing, confounding and altogether amazing new film, is partly concerned with the life and work of one Lancaster Dodd, leader of a therapeutic, quasi-religious cult known as the Cause. Dodd’s “process,” a stew of Freud, hypnosis and carnival sideshow mumbo-jumbo, is based on a kind of mental time travel. The subject is led, by a series of pointed, painful questions, on a search for past trauma — earlier in life, before birth, in a previous existence — that can be identified as the source of negative emotion and destructive behavior in the present.  
* * * *
"Our minds sometimes play tricks on us, substituting invention for memory. Movies turn this lapse into a principle, manufacturing collective fantasies that are often more vivid, more real, than what actually happened. “The Master,” unfolding in the anxious, movie-saturated years just after World War II, is not a work of history in the literal or even the conventionally literary sense. The strange and complicated story it has to tell exists beyond the reach of doubt or verification. The cumulative artifice on display is beautiful — camera movements that elicit an involuntary gasp, passages in Jonny Greenwood’s score that raise the hair on the back of your neck, feats of acting that defy comprehension — but all of it has been marshaled in the pursuit of a new kind of cinematic truth. This is a movie that defies understanding even as it compels reverent, astonished belief. "
Stephanie Doty
Weary of Wonderland
February 3, 2014
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/3.0/

Sunday, February 2, 2014